My wildest dreams

Last night I opened my journal and I wrote down 30 of the wildest dreams that I want to manifest for my life. I was inspired to do this exercise after listening to a podcast about how writing our dreams down with pen and paper and then taking actionable steps towards them can actually help to make our dreams a reality.

So many interesting things happened as a result of doing this exercise. Writing down my dreams, as many as I could think of without forcing them, showed me the life that I truly want because absolutely nothing was off limits. It didn’t matter if I didn’t know how I’d get there or if it might not happen for ten years. It didn’t matter if I felt it was silly or unobtainable. It only mattered that I wanted it to come true. This process brought into true focus what I want from this life, both for myself and of myself. It showed me that dreams can be different from goals but that goals are often the stepping stones to dreams. It helped me see my life unfold over the next year, then ten and then twenty and it made my stomach churn with a mix of giddy excitement and nervous fear.

IMG_1908

Journalling my wildest dreams

I could see how I want to be of service to the world and the work that I want to do to help others and yet the realisation of what this work is, left me smiling in surprise. I could also see, so clearly in fact, the things and experiences that I want that will make me feel fulfilled and thrilled with my life. Fire in my belly, joy in my heart, peace in my mind.

I wrote my dreams down and then I read them out again. I closed my journal and I spent a few minutes focusing on several of them in particular. The ones that stood out. The ones that are now vividly etched in my mind as dreams that I’m going to make come true. The ones that make me smile the instant that I think about them.

Then all of a sudden, I was hit with the guilt. That difficult emotion that never ever seems far away. Who am I to have these dreams when some people don’t even have a roof over their heads? Who am I to have dreams that perhaps are selfish, to benefit only me? Who am I to have these dreams that could actually come true because I was born into a life of privilege, compared to millions? Who am I to have these dreams when surely, I have so much already?

Who am I to have these dreams?

I’ve realised that guilt exists as an emotion not to serve us but rather to strongly remind us that we care. I felt guilty about my list of dreams because I care so deeply about the world and the people and creatures that dwell here. I feel guilty that I might get to live out my dreams when others might not, yet I wish that the same could be true for everyone. But then I realised too, that not everyone’s dreams are the same. Our dreams are a reflection of all our unique lives, relative to one another, relative to our values and beliefs, relative to the place and culture into which we were born and relative also to the work we are willing to put in, in order that they might one day come true. Every person on the planet is entitled to dream their wildest dreams and feeling guilty about my own will only prevent them from coming true.

We all live one life on this planet. We all deserve that life to be as beautiful and fulfilling as it can be whilst knowing that gratitude and humility must always come along for the ride. Whilst knowing that we will get out of life as much as we’re willing to put in. Whilst knowing that living a life of intention and seeking a life of joy, will and can help other people too.

So, I’m going to keep dreaming up my dreams. I’m going to dream boldly and I’m going to work on telling myself that I deserve it all. I strongly suggest you do the same.

 


An epiphany about setting goals

Back in December 2018, I made a set of 5 New Year’s resolutions and vowed to make this year the year I actually stick to them and make some progress towards my personal goals. I set these goals for myself with good intentions and reflected for a long time on what I wanted to “achieve” by doing them. Whilst I wouldn’t say I’ve had a total transformation in the first 3 months of 2019, I’ve certainly kept these resolutions in the forefront of my mind more than ever before, have discussed them with friends on an ongoing basis and have made some positive steps towards them, even if it doesn’t feel like enough (the story of my life…I’m learning).

Everyday I listen to some of an audio-book or a podcast. Since the year began I’ve started about 4 different books (although I’m yet to finish any of them) and I’m continuing to de-clutter whilst learning and implementing more about living a “low waste” and minimalist lifestyle. I’ve started a daily writing habit, whether that’s a blog or an Instagram post or simply journalling about my thoughts and feelings.

My friend and I were chatting the other day about how we can use the start of any new month to reflect again on our goals and where we are up to, to re-group so to speak. We shared our goals with each other and set realistic expectations for ourselves in order that we stay “on track”. For me, this was aiming for 2 early mornings a week to get up and seize the day, to finish one of the 4 books I’ve started and to publish two blogs that I’ve been eager to write for months. We both have a system in place for monitoring our goals, a way to hold ourselves and each other accountable and have a visual reminder about what we want to achieve. Fantastic. All set. April, let’s do this. Yes! This all sounds great, right? So what’s the big epiphany?

As I sat down to write something I wanted to share about how crazy things have been throughout the month of March, I realised something. Throughout March, without me even realising it at the time, so much has happened that has enabled me to grow. In our family, March is known as “the birthday month” because we celebrate Jasmine’s birthday, followed by mine, followed by my Mum’s. This year, we also threw in my parents 40th wedding anniversary, Mother’s day and also remembered Ben’s Grandma Jackie who passed away in March last year. On top of that we have put plans in motion for moving house (more on that another time), I’ve finalised my return to my NHS job whilst continuing to work hard in other areas and we’ve been to the hospital with both girls (for different reasons) as well as a whole load of everyday “stuff” of which there has been a lot.

So the epiphany….amongst all this beautiful busy chaos, there has been learning and there has been personal growth. I may not have been able to attribute it to one of my specific goals but just by living life, there has been growth. Just this last month I’ve learnt more about Jasmine and her resilience and confidence and I’ve learnt how best to support her through challenging situations. I’ve learnt about myself too, when faced with difficult parenting situations that I haven’t known how to manage. I’ve been forced to reflect, to learn and to vow to do better. Growth. I’ve had conversations with Ben about our work, our desire to strike a good balance in life and a whole lot about our future plans. Growth. I’ve read articles, quotes and posts by people I admire and those things have instantly allowed me to learn or to think differently about something. Growth. I set out to achieve a plastic free birthday party for Jasmine and I did it, learning so much along the way and continuing to nurture this new-found passion. Growth. I’ve swapped some of my everyday products for plastic free, zero waste versions and realised how great it feels to make these sustainable swaps. Growth. I’ve experienced firsts with both my girls, new situations that I haven’t encountered before and therefore simply by being a Mum, there has been growth. 

We are constantly in a state of change, never the same person we were yesterday because another day lived is another day experienced, new lessons under our belt and new knowledge in our minds. Just as I look at my two girls and wonder how they can seem so different day-to-day or week to week, never the same and constantly learning, so are we too, as adults.

So even when I don’t feel like I’m keeping up with my New Years goals, even when I feel frustrated at myself for not doing better or doing enough and even when I wish I had more time to just finish that blimmin’ book, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because progress is there in all sorts of scenarios, whether I’m looking for it or not and that is a pretty great epiphany for me to have had.


Creativity in Motherhood

I’ve never considered myself much of a creative person. I’m the one drawing stick people and a house whilst my husband Ben is sketching faces full of character. I’m just no good at drawing and whilst I appreciate so many forms of creativity, “creative” has just never been an adjective I would have used to describe myself. Read More


What holidays teach us about minimalism

I cannot get the idea of “minimalism” out of my mind and it’s certainly become one of my top goals for 2019. I don’t know how far the journey will take me and I also know, just by looking around me, that I’m still just at the very start, but I’m excited to continue to evaluate why I’m keeping hold of my possessions and create a home environment that makes me feel calm, happy and joyful. Read More


Could 2019 really be the year?

I am one of those people who quite enjoys the strange time between Christmas and New Year, where you don’t quite know whether you’re coming or going. I find myself in a naturally reflective mood, setting intentions and goals for the year ahead, pondering the year gone by and giving myself an annual pep talk that come January, I really will start using my wardrobe instead of my floordrobe! Read More


“Excuse the face,” and other things Mums need to stop saying

“Excuse the face,” is probably something you’re either guilty of saying or privy to hearing amongst your Mum friends or maybe just your female friends in general. If it’s not that then maybe it’s, “I haven’t even put any makeup on today,” “gosh, I look so rough,” “excuse the bags under my eyes” or, “sorry I look such a mess.”  We are full of these apologies, prefixing conversations or meet ups with friends with a comment about our seemingly less than acceptable appearance, as if the need to do so comes as a priority before anything else we may want to say. Read More