Growing A Mother

Motherhood, veganism, raising strong girls and much more

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Poetry

Is it just me?

1 Comment November 6, 2018 Being Your Mummy

Is it just me who loves being a Mum
But also wishes I could have more fun?
Is it just me who finds it so tough,
Day in day out, it can be so rough. Read More

A bed time poem

Leave a comment October 24, 2018 Being Your Mummy

Bed time has lost its loveliness

Bed time has lost its loveliness, I’m really sad to say,
I’ve started to dread that time that comes at the end of every day
I used to read books to you, sitting together on your bed
Now that’s been replaced with lots of tears instead. Read More

Growing A Mother

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  • Motherhood and the fear of making mistakes
    Motherhood and the fear of making mistakes

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It’s funny how fear and Motherhood go hand in hand, don’t you think? The job that fills are homes and hearts up with a love like no other is so often governed by a bubbling undercurrent of fear. What does that fear look like? For me it’s the fear of making mistakes, that somehow my actions, words or decisions will have an impact on my children that will perhaps have a negative outcome for them and then that one day, I will blame myself for this. . We want our children to have a good relationship with food, with their friends, with screens and with nature. We want them to be kind and “well-rounded”, learned, interested and successful. We want to make sure that they’re OK, healthy, happy and secure. We want them to know they that they are loved and for them to love in return. . So what do we do? We act in fear. We are too firm or too gentle, too protective or not protective enough. We are pushy with our own conditioned thoughts and opinions and we push our children to ensure that they fit the mould that will keep our fears at bay. Fear can prevent us from changing course, breaking generational patterns and allowing our children to feel pain and heartbreak. We are comfortable with what we know even when perhaps deep down, we seek something different. But what if we noticed that fear and questioned it? What if instead of being led by fear, we were led by love? What if we realised that our children, pure creatures of love + light, know just what to do. For it’s in the moments when we’re not looking and we’re not trying, that our children show the most kindness, the most honesty and the most trust and connection to their world. . What if we harnessed this undercurrent of fear and used it to help us lean in closer, to observe our children and their needs instead of directing them? What if we used it to help us let go a little, to trust them and the power of their own instincts and then to guide gently, rather than to punish or shame? . What if our children are actually here to teach US how to love and let go and not the other way around. Children teach us to live in the here and now, as they do so well and when you’re truly living in the now, fear has no place at all Please don’t presume that my kids are nutrient deficient just because your own knowledge of vegan nutrition falls short. . Please don’t let a lifetime of conditioning prevent you from learning that there are other ways to eat that don’t involve killing and torturing animals. And yes, you can still get enough protein, iron, calcium, Omega-3...etc. . Please, by all means, ask me questions. Find out information, learn some new recipes, but don’t mistake your fear to mean that I am doing wrong by my children. . Please know that it’s hard enough as it is to be a minority, to be misunderstood, to feel all the things that come with awakening. Please don’t add to this feeling by implying my children are somehow at risk...they are not, because I make damn sure of that. . K, thanks, bye 👋🏻 . . 📸picnic tea for the girls today! . . . . #veganaf #veganfamily #veganparenting #veganmama #veganmum #vegankids #veganchildren #raisingveganchildren #raisingvegankids #eatingforchange #wheredoyougetyourprotein #veganislove #veganfortheanimals #veganism #plantbased #poweredbyplants #veganfood #veganpicnic #micdrop #veganmum #eatingforthefuture Officially self-employed after over 9 years working for the NHS (if you include two mat leaves and a short stint to travel the world in between 😜)! . I’m so excited for my new ventures but equally I’m SO sad to leave. I have worked with so many dedicated, talented and passionate speech and language therapists over the years, many of whom became my work family and many of whom are now my life long friends. It’s not an easy job to do, particularly at the moment, but I don’t know a more hard working bunch of people than my SALT fam! . I feel immensely privileged to have had my heart touched by the most amazing families over the years and I am continually humbled by the strength, resilience and positivity of those whose children have additional and sometimes very challenging needs. I will always be passionate about helping children learn to talk and communicate and working to give parents the gift of being able to connect with their child in this way is the absolute magic of the job! . I’m so lucky to have the opportunity to make decisions like this and the privilege does not pass me by 🙏🏻 #selfemployed #nhs #speechandlanguage #speechandlanguagetherapist #newventures #newadventure #creativity #flexibleworking #workingmum #workingmama #balanceandmotherhood #balance #worklifebalance #growingamother #celebrate #saveournhs #acupofmotherhood #mumofgirls #motherofdaughters #nextchapter #endofanera #healthcareprofessional You know what they say about changing habits....you have to WANT to change it and then, it’ll happen. My “bad” screen time habit is something I’ve been aware of for years now but I’ve just been casually ignoring it, justifying it and feeling strangely scared of doing something about it. Weird. I know. But the other funny thing is that sometimes, the Universe works to bring things to you at EXACTLY the time that you need them most. . This month I’m focusing on a theme of “Screen Time September” for my happiness project and this coincides with the month that I finally decided to take @mightymother_ ’s course on “Making Sense Of Screens” which after only one week has me totally hooked and convinced that now is the best time ever to tackle this habit, for me and my kids! . Then @jamievaron posted the positive reminder the other day about viewing September-December as a time to make strides towards our goals and not listen to our inner critic who starts to shout at us for having not done enough, as the end of the year suddenly feels as if it’s imminent. . Things that are really helping me reduce my screen time are: - mixing up the location of my apps to confuse my muscle memory and make it harder to bounce from one to the other - setting and sticking to app time limits such as the one I’ve set for @instagram. Surely 1.5 hours a day is plenty to GAIN from using this app and anything else is probably just mindless scrolling -Checking in with how I feel and being honest with myself when it comes to the WHY. If using a screen isn’t truly serving a purpose in the moment, it’s probably best to stop. - putting my phone somewhere else to avoid the temptation just to pick it up...again. - focusing on how I will feel if I do other (more beneficial) things instead. . So far, less screen time has led to.... - making dinner last night for @bearded.vegan.dad, lighting candles AND doing all the cleaning up straight away (small things = big wins) - finishing a book and starting a new one (real, paper books!) - unpacking the last of our boxes from the move - choosing a morning meditation over screen time The time really is right now 🙏🏻 I’m sharing my weekly intentions here today because it’s been a difficult time in many ways recently and a little reminder to be kind to myself and seek to find the JOY is very much needed! . Before I set weekly intentions I first examine what’s going on in my mind, how I feel in my body and where I sit with my soul. This past week we’ve all been struck by a nasty head cold, the kind that although isn’t serious, still knocks your energy levels and disturbs your sleep no end. Summer has been feeding for hours at a time, non-stop, and it’s been a case of surrendering to those needs. Jasmine’s first week at pre-school was hard on us all and I was full of self-doubt, worry and questions about how to approach her anxiety around it all. Just when I think we’re doing the right things for her, I’ll read something that challenges me to think differently and whilst that’s mostly helpful, I then spiral into worry that perhaps then, we’ve been going wrong. You can sense the exhaustion, I’m sure. . And then there’s the soul work, trying my best to be of benefit to others, to inspire people to any small degree and to live in alignment with my core values and beliefs. But with that comes even more learning, learning that can cause me discomfort and learning that is intellectually challenging in a way that I’m not sure I’ve got the energy for right now. Learning about white privilege, about intersectional veganism, about capitalism and it’s links to trying to live a lower impact lifestyle. On some days perhaps I’d be more resilient to it all but on others, like this past week, it’s enough to tip me over the edge into feeling not good enough, that you can’t do right without doing wrong and to feel like you can’t say anything without it being pulled apart for inaccuracies. . I value open mindedness so much and it allows me to learn and grow but wow it’s also hard work and I’ve felt that this week as I’ve struggled to lighten and seek the joy. . So my intentions this week are to: - be kind to myself! - find joy in the every day - lighten - take my foot off the pedal - notice whether I’m feeling inspired or weighed down and adjust accordingly! . Does any of this ring true? To quote @plantbasednews the Earth isn’t dying, it is being killed. . It’s a hard fact to face up to but the human race is the ONLY species responsible for the destruction of this beautiful planet on which we all live and for many (myself included) an even bigger realisation to be faced with is that we, as a collective humanity, need to make some drastic changes to our lives in order to preserve the future of our own species for ourselves, our children and future generations too. . It really is that hard hitting. . If we continue at the current pace, destroying rainforests, using up natural resources, buying more than we need and the list goes on and on, the Earth will be killed and that would be our human legacy 😢 . The science is there The documentaries are there The evidence is there . The time to make changes is now..... . . . . . #progressnotperfection #climatechange #eatingforchange #vegan #veganfood #veganfortheplanet #veganfortheanimals #veganforhealth #extinctionrebellion #savetheanimals #animalliberation #veganactivism #noplanetb #motherearth #eatmoreplants #plantbased #veganmama #veganfamily #veganmum Jasmine is off to her first ever ballet lesson today and she asked for her Daddy to go with her and not me! 💔💔💔 I’m just a liiiittle bit heartbroken to be missing out on what is another BIG step for our big girl this week. I’m sat at home just praying that everything goes smoothly and that she doesn’t run out the door crying 🤞🏻 . Jasmine started pre-school this week and whilst she had an amazing, fun-filled time whilst she was there, the transition in the morning to get ready and separate from us has been tough, despite the fact that she’s been going to nursery since she was 10 months old. The mornings this week were full of some of the biggest emotions Jasmine has ever let out. Anxiety. Worry. Fear. A desire just to stay at home and repeated gut-wrenching requests that everyday could be Friday and for Mummy to stay at home with her forever 💔We’ve worked through these big emotions, supported her, acknowledged her, hugged her and encouraged her and ultimately, despite me questioning every single decision about pre-school, I’m left feeling so proud that she did it and reassured that she will thrive, learn and develop there so much. . This time next year she’ll be going off to big school, which is so scary to me right now. Jasmine is so perceptive and intuitive and she has ways of letting us know exactly what she needs. She hasn’t wanted to go to her gymnastics class for the last two weeks knowing that I’m no longer allowed to stay with her downstairs and that she’ll have to do it all without me. She knows. She knows she’s not ready for that and so today, as she left the house with @bearded.vegan.dad to head to ballet instead, she said, “I want daddy to stay with me,” and she said it a few times. . I can read between the lines sweetest girl, don’t you worry. You’ve coped with enormous changes over the last few weeks and I couldn’t be any more proud of you 🙏🏻 Mummy and Daddy are right here...except that I’m at home tidying up and wishing I could be a fly on the wall at your first class 😭 Screen Time September 📱💻🖥 - as part of my Happiness Project (google, Gretchen Rubin, for more) I’ve decided to focus on reducing my screen time for the month of September. . Back when I wrote my New Years resolutions for 2019 I was determined to lower my screen time but it’s just one of those habits which seems more difficult to change than others, for a number of reasons. Firstly, I actually do enjoy using my phone!! I enjoy connecting with my friends, sending and listening to voice notes and I enjoy using @instagram too. I gain a lot from both sharing and reading what other poeple post and for me, insta is like my own specially designed magazine, just for me, full of motivation, inspiration and a place of community. Having said that, I do spend way too much time on here (I note the irony of posting and saying that at the same time) and when I’m also using a screen for work, life admin, writing and scouting for second hand furniture bargains, the hours quickly add up. . September is a great time to re-evaluate our goals and with one whole third of the year left, there is still plenty time to cultivate good habits and make progress towards the things we really want! I’m going to ask myself, “is how I’m using my screen time right now serving me or someone else?” If the answer is a genuine yes then that’s certainly ok but if I’m scrolling in place of doing something I should be doing or scrolling to occupy my mind from worrying about the kids or scrolling just because it’s the easy option for ten minutes, I want to notice that and put my phone away and that in itself will be the hardest part. . This is going to be a difficult one for me to be honest but I’m determined to replace some screen time with other more beneficial things like reading more books and doing more yoga, and see where it takes me. This week I’m also starting a course by @mightymother_ on “making sense of screens” for kids and I know that if screen time is something I want to change for Jasmine, I need to first start with myself. . So, “screen time September” - are you in? . Vegan pic, for grid design only, and for yums 😋😋 Today is Jasmine’s first day of pre-school but sadly, it didn’t get off to the best start. With our move, Jasmine changing nursery and coping with that huge change was one of my biggest fears. For the last month she’s been in a lovely small classroom at her new nursery with a teacher who understood her from day 1 and she managed the entire thing so well. I was surprised how well she adjusted to it all and took it in her stride, with only a few tears and a few wobbles to support her through. But today, that teacher has left and all her friends have moved up to pre-school where she is expected to go too. . Our morning was full of tears, Jasmine hiding under my bed and on hers, sobbing her heart out about not wanting to go to pre-school. The stuff of actual heart break 💔 Real anxiety. Real worry. Real fears. I sat with her and told her how I used to feel the same when I was a little girl, how I found it hard to leave my mummy and how I used to cry too. I told her how difficult it can be to be brave and to do things we find scary and I wiped her tears and held her tight, showing her how much I understand. . We got dressed and out the car and I told her how proud I was of her just for that small step because it’s a huge one after all, in so many ways. Getting into the car I bumped my head and her sweet laughter broke the ice for a few short moments. We dropped her off with Summer in the baby room and stayed with her a while, quietly wishing inside that her old teacher would come back and that everything could just remain the same, for anything is better than your child hurting this way. Driving away from nursery my heart felt heavy with sadness and I could feel those nervous knots in my tummy that I experienced oh so often as a child myself. I know, Jasmine, my love. . I know she’ll learn to love her pre-school as she has done all her other classrooms over the years and I know these experiences build resilience and strength allowing her to learn what it means to be supported at home through life’s tricky parts. This was never going to be an easy transition and Jasmine’s perception and intuition I’m sure will be guiding her through the day. You can do it!

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