A bed time to remember

Jasmine, you just amazed me with your kindness, your maturity and your compassion.

I was lying with you at bed time, stroking your hair to help you relax as you had been rather excited. Daddy was out so it was just me and you, with Summer already asleep in her bed.

Summer suddenly started crying, which isn’t unusual but as you probably knew when you heard it, that meant I needed to go to her. I told you I’d be right back but you burst into tears and insisted on coming with me which of course, I allowed, because those tears were pure sadness.

You sat quietly on my bed whilst I lifted Summer out the cot and cuddled her back to sleep. I wondered what you were thinking then, seeing me cuddle Summer. Were you jealous or just watching? Were you sad or comforted?

I put Summer back down and we snuck out but in your innocence you started talking a little too loudly, waking her once again as we got to the door. Hesitantly, we went to your room and I hoped, maybe, although I knew it wouldn’t happen, that Summer would settle on her own because the thought of leaving you again to go her had my heart all twisted and sad. Instead you turned around and said, “oh Mummy, Summer is crying you need to go give her a cuddle.”

You gave me permission to go to her, not because you were trying to stay up later but purely because you understood it’s what she needed. I was so grateful in that moment for your kindness, being able to soothe Summer once again without worrying (too much) about you.

Again you sat on my bed as I held your sister in my arms. You popped back to your room to grab your Ellie Nellie and then lay still on my bed, watching, just quietly. I put Summer back in her cot but she woke up crying straight away, wanting more time with me and wanting to feed.

We went back to your room and I explained that I needed to be with Summer for longer. I explained that I’d come right back to you just as soon as I could. I explained that Daddy was out when you asked for him.

I fed Summer and she calmed instantly, her head becoming heavy as she found sleep again and I could hear you in your room, waiting, understanding, yawning and sighing. You could’ve been crying, pulling at my clothes wanting me all for yourself as often happens at bedtime but tonight was so different.

I came back to you and you were awake, ready for cuddles of your own. I held you and told you how proud I was that you’d waited for Mummy and how kind you had been to Summer. I told you what an amazing big sister you were.

Then you paused and looked up at me. You said, “I want to share my Mummy with Summer,” and those eight words of kindness overwhelmed me. I love you so much, angel girl.

A bed time poem

Bed time has lost its loveliness

Bed time has lost its loveliness, I’m really sad to say,
I’ve started to dread that time that comes at the end of every day
I used to read books to you, sitting together on your bed
Now that’s been replaced with lots of tears instead.

I understand you find it difficult, I promise that I know,
It’s not easy going to bed and you don’t want Mummy to go
But even when I try my best, I’m patient and I’m calm,
You still won’t let me read to you, that book about the farm.

Bed time has lost its loveliness and I’m trying my very best,
I know you’d rather play than get that all important rest
Mummy needs some time too you know, to relax at the end of the day
But I feel all stressed when you don’t seem to listen to what I say.

It’s not your fault you get upset at every tiny little thing,
I’m sorry I didn’t let you watch yet another episode of Bing
You need to wear a nappy and your teeth need to be brushed
I do all these things playfully, I know you don’t want to be rushed.

There are lovely moments too sometimes, in amongst the tears
I wish you could tell Mummy more about your fears
One minute you’ll be crying and then the next you’ll say,
“Mummy, I like your plait,” and those things really make my day.

You want me to stay for cuddles, to hold you nice and tight
So why does everything up ‘til then, feel like one big fight?
I’m only trying to help you, to make you feel safe and ready
I even make you giggle when I pretend to speak as teddy.

Bed time has lost its loveliness, it’s not how it was before,
I don’t really know what I’m doing anymore
I’ve read the books, I’ve tried to learn how to help you to unwind
And even when I want to scream, I try my best to be kind.

I suppose this is another phase, one that too shall pass
I’m reminded every day that you’re growing up so fast
For now you need your Mummy, and although I’m tired too
Of course I want to be there, to give my best to you.

Light on, light off, light on again, please just go to bed
You’ve had your drink of water, I’ve done everything you said
Mummy needs to go now but you wrap your arm around me
You pull me down to stay with you, I can’t just leave you be.

Bed time has lost its loveliness, we are all beginning to struggle
All we want to do is a have a lovely cosy snuggle
I love you, I love you, I love you, I say it a thousand times
I hope you can tell that from what’s written in my rhymes.

I kiss your cheeks and stroke your hair and comfort you in the dark
I wonder what you dream about, maybe our trip to the park.
Sleep finally finds you and you drift off for the night
And I’m just left to question whether anything I did was right.

I’ll see you in the morning when you wake up with a smile
The night before forgotten, at least for a little while.
Bed time has lost its loveliness, I miss how it used to be
But I trust we’ll get it back again, Jasmine, you and me
I’ll focus on those cuddles, on the way only Mummy will do
It’s worth it a million times over because of my love for you.