New beginnings

Jasmine fell asleep ridiculously early tonight and Summer is currently in her Daddy’s arms so I’m using this rare moment to sit here, and write. I recently came across several posts online that all carried a very similar message and one that spoke so strongly to me, I couldn’t ignore it. This message was one about doing the work in order to manifest your dreams and working out what may be blocking your ability to expand and achieve the things you can so clearly visualise but never seem able to do. Of course with a toddler and a newborn ‘time’ is not something I have a lot of, however, sometimes you can’t ignore signs from the Universe that all the right things are coming into alignment just at the right time so what better time than now to begin.

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In recent months I have written enough words to fill an entire book but the problem is these words are just stored in my head, the odd note written in my phone or as pages in my journal. They are words that have streamed out of me in a moment of pure emotion, in a moment of clarity or in the moments that follow a particular experience or conversation. Every single day I think about writing them down ‘properly’. I think about saving them somehow, sharing them with others, getting them out into the world. I think about whether my girls will read them one day and whether they would want to. Then something stops me. It’s not that I don’t want to share these words because I desperately do but there’s something there, something I can’t quite pinpoint, that holds me back. Perhaps it’s the fear of being so vulnerable, opening my heart up to the world? Perhaps it’s the work and time it will take to write these things in a way that can truly portray how I feel? Perhaps it’s the fear that it’s really just a pointless exercise and I should keep these things to myself? Perhaps it’s the fear of what people will think? Perhaps it’s everything.

I don’t really understand why my desire to share such personal things is so strong. Why do I feel that my words belong anywhere other than in my journal? What makes me someone who has an experience in life no different to that of millions of others, but one that comes with a whole narrative of its own? A narrative about my daughters and about motherhood. A narrative about women and our experiences. About feminism, about learning. About veganism, spirituality, personal growth, marriage, relationships and life. Narratives come to me almost every day and I now feel that if I do nothing with these words, at the end of the day, that would be just a big waste.

I want to keep these words for my daughters and my family so that one day they can read them and not only be able to learn about me as their mother but about themselves as young children and my experience raising them. They will be able to learn about the world as it is now with all it’s problems but all it’s beauty. The journey of motherhood, of which I am just really at the start, has truly been transformative in so many ways and to capture that is beautiful and has become my passion. It is my life and my experience on this planet and in so many ways being a mother, being your mother, is wrapped up in everything I do.

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The experience of Motherhood is a universal one. My girls, Jasmine and Summer, are unique in themselves and unique to me but my experiences as a mother are shared by millions. The highs and the lows, the struggles and the doubt, the learning and the reward and above all the love. Oh, that love!

So it’s time to start the work. I don’t want these words to disappear from my head. I want to capture them now, as they are, real, raw and authentic. They are me being vulnerable, emotional, unsure. They are me seeking growth, guidance and connection. They are me being passionate, brave and truthful. With all that, and all the fear, I question again why I feel so deeply compelled to share but then, I do know. I know the power of sharing because words others have shared have helped me. I know that words I’ve read about motherhood have brought me to tears, have made me feel less alone and part of something bigger. So part of me, a big part of me, believes that my words might just be able to help someone else too. Perhaps also, one day my words will help my daughters to carve their way through their own motherhood journey and know that I came before them just like my mother before me. If that’s not a reason to write, I don’t know what is.

This is for you my girls, my daughters, my heart.

 

 

 

An important note about being vegan

Dear Jasmine,

As you will probably know by now, Daddy and I are both vegan and we are also raising you not to eat animals, because for our family, that is what we believe in. Just recently, your Grandma asked me what we would do if you ask us why some people in the family eat meat. She was worried you might think she was evil for eating meat if we are teaching you that it is our belief that eating meat is not ethical. She was worried it would impact your relationship with her and it got me thinking that there are a few very important things I want you to know about being vegan and about people who aren’t vegan….

Firstly, being vegan is a great thing to do but it doesn’t automatically make you a good person. We are vegan in our family because we don’t believe in eating animals. (No doubt we’ll get into this more deeply another time!) It’s also great for the planet and for your health and contrary to popular belief, it’s also good for people! Being vegan is a core value at the centre of our family. It’s what connects us together and is a huge part of our daily life, identity and something that we really want to teach you all about as you get older. We love being part of a strong vegan community and we hope you will love that too. Daddy and I weren’t always vegan though and we didn’t always know what we know now. Your journey will be quite different to our own!

As much as we advocate for being vegan and whole heartedly believe in its importance, there are certainly people who are choosing a vegan lifestyle, albeit for all the right reasons, who may not be living with compassion in other areas of their lives. As I said before, being vegan is always a good thing but it doesn’t make you a good person. You have to work hard to be a good person and that means extending the practice of compassion to all animals, humans included. Sometimes, this can be the hard part and writing you this letter today is my own reminder to do better here.

Living an ethical and compassionate life can take many forms and let me tell you, there are plenty of people in my life who I love dearly and admire greatly who aren’t vegan. Most of my friends and family aren’t vegan but I love and respect them all for the people they are and the good they are doing for the world. There are many people, both past and present, who inspire me to be a better person or make better choices, who aren’t vegan. There are many people doing other amazing and important things for the world, who aren’t vegan. Animal rights is a hugely important cause to stand for but it’s not the only thing you can choose to care about.

So yes, it may be a little sticky if one day you ask me why Grandma and Grandpa eat meat or why your friends at school eat animals when you don’t but the thing you must remember is to see the good in everyone you meet and you will find so much about people that you love, whether they are like you or not. Non-vegans, like many of your family, have other passions, other things they love and want to change about the world, other ways they are helping make the world a better place and I’d love you to learn about all of those things too.

Being vegan is a practice of non-violence, of compassion, of empathy, of peace. It’s a fantastic way to live your life but it’s not the way for everyone and the reasons for this are very complex! Of course I want to see a more vegan world. A world where animals are free and don’t suffer but the journey to that world isn’t straight forward. So as you grow up, I’ll happily try my best to answer your questions when you ask them, if you do, but I trust that your heart is big and wide open and that you will love wholly and fully those who are important to you, in spite of what they choose to eat.

If you decide to stay vegan too, of course you can be an activist and of course you can shout from the rooftops if it means the world to you like it does to me. Of course you can help to save animals’ lives by having conversations with people who aren’t vegan and I will encourage you to do so. Of course you can go to animal rights marches and find your passion but don’t judge others unkindly along the way if they don’t share your beliefs. Always maintain a sense of understanding and love for your fellow humans. The spiritual practice of veganism isn’t simply not eating animals. It’s non-violence and compassion and empathy in all walks of your life. It’s trying to be the best person you can be, both for the animals and for everyone you encounter. It’s extending compassion to the homeless, to the poor, to the vulnerable, to the mean and seemingly terrible people in the world. For loving those it’s easy to love and difficult to love. If you can live with peace in your heart, you’ll be doing a fabulous job.

So if Grandma still eats meat when you’re older (you never know, she might not!) then don’t judge her for it. Love your Grandma for all the amazing things about her, all the things she can teach you and all the ways she shows compassion for the world.

Love from, Mummy

Xxx

Happy Birthday Jasmine!

Dear Jasmine,

Being your Mummy has been very special for me since the very first day you were born but today it’s extra special because it’s your second birthday! Two whole years have passed since you came into my world and every single day I am overwhelmed by my love for you. This year, although it might be an unusual birthday present, I’ve decided to start a blog for you! A blog is something that wasn’t even invented when I was a two year old and no doubt at one point when you read this in the future, you’ll probably laugh at me for being so old fashioned!

Since becoming your Mummy, my life has changed so profoundly and my head is full of a million things that I long to share with you, many of which you’re too young to understand yet. There’s so much I want to tell you but I also want to keep everything in a way that can last you forever. I want to share things with you about yourself so you can have stories about times you won’t remember, like today when you asked a random lady on the train where her glasses had gone. You notice everything! I want to tell you about being your Mummy and everything that means to me, including the mistakes I’m making along the way!

I want to share all this with you because, in truth, you and me are connected little girl. Ever since the day you were born, I’ve felt a deep connection with you. Mother to daughter, female to female, human to human. It’s so strong and full of energy that I almost don’t have the words for it. But this connection and this love I have for you is driving me to write. To share. To create. To give. I recently read a book that said, if you want to be a writer, write every day. Now, I’m not sure I want to “be a writer” but there’s certainly no better time to try writing than right now.

It’s now 15th March 2018 and the world is changing at an incredible pace. There is brilliance in our world. There is change, there is beauty, there is art, there is laughter, there is feminism! There is also some not so good stuff but it all makes the world we live in what it is today. I want to tell you about it all. I want to capture what it means to live in this time for you as a 2-year-old girl and me as your 30-year-old Mummy both growing up, just in very different ways.

One day, I want to share your birth story with you and tell you about my first few weeks as a new Mum. I want to tell you about the time I had a miscarriage and about being pregnant again with your little brother or sister. I want to tell you about your family, your Grandparents and Great Grandparents, your Aunties, Uncles and cousins. I want to tell you about the world, about important things that are shaping your future. I want to empower you as a female and help you navigate life’s challenges. I want to teach you to be open minded, to be kind (you are already so kind), to challenge injustice (I have a feeling you’re going to be great at this too!) and to give back to the world as much as you get from it. I want to answer all your questions and ask you some back in return. I want to tell you I don’t know all the answers but that together we can find them out.

Mostly, I want to be honest with you. Being your Mummy is my number one job and my most privileged one but it doesn’t come without its challenges. I’d never been a Mummy before you came along and so, quite frankly, you’re teaching me everything I know!

I’m starting this blog for you now because I am trusting that this instinct I have to start writing, really writing, could be something special. I sit down sometimes with the thoughts in my head and honestly feel I could write a book (not yet)! The words pour out of me and almost always, I find myself writing them to you.

Happy Birthday, Jasmine. I hope you can enjoy this gift for many years to come.

Love from,

Mummy

xxx